Berrie’s Story

How I became Berrie’s mummy

I had on the 17th October 2012 lost my beautiful girl ‘Hollie’, who was the sister to my big soft Labrador Alfie. Alfie cried for a week when Hollie passed away, it had broken both of our hearts.  The months passed in a blurry haze of grief, both of us coping without Hollie. With  Alfie all alone and not understanding where his best friend had gone, I decided to get him a little friend.  I knew that Alfie's friend would have to be a girl, the same colour as Hollie (black with a white stripe down her chest) and she would be named Berrie (after Hollie).  Then a friend said ‘his Sprocker Spaniel was pregnant’ and intrigued, I asked for him to let me know when they were born.

On the 8th July 2013 this world was graced, with a truly amazing soul and from 5 days old, every week I went to visit this little puppy I had fallen in love with!  On the 21st August 2013 I had the honour of becoming the mummy, of this kind, sweet soul, a little black Sprocker Spaniel with a white stripe down her chest, named Berrie.

The first day, I got my first distinguishing memory, of a new life with Berrie (which is forever engraved in my mind).  'My mum had come with me and Alfie to pick Berrie up, so when we get home, we all went in the back garden for Alfie to be fully introduced to his new sister.  Now to this point, Berrie had been carried, so when I put her on the ground, PANIC! Her back legs had stopped working, she was pulling herself using her front legs! I’m looking at my mum (eye’s on stalks) completely confused, as to what had happened. We’d only just picked Berrie up from down the road and she had been happily playing with her siblings and we knew she hadn’t been dropped.  My mum was the calming force, thankfully because I was at this point, having an 'inner meltdown'.  Thankfully, this turned out to be unique to Berrie, whenever she got scared'! 

The very first photo as a new family, if you look at Berrie's legs, you can see even on my lap, that her back legs are fully outstretched, where she wouldn't use them.

Berrie loved to hunt or precisely to chase rabbits, where as her brother Alfie, he didn't like to burn the calories, so he would have the rabbits come to him and taught this tactical manoeuvre to Berrie!

Berrie adored her brother, Alfie and she had a sense of security with her big brother around.  At the age of 1, Berrie ate the elastic out of my walking boots, she had to be x-rayed from head to tail, to find the elastic! On the follow up, after Berrie having to have surgery, the vet said her hips etc were all in perfect alignment, I felt so relieved (Alfie had been born with severe hip dysplasia) it never entered my head that so much can go wrong with her internal organs and lead me to here today!

Berrie was a 'ball' girl, to Berrie, the world could just not get any better, with her ball in her mouth, over the park, with me and Alfie by her side. We had an active life as a family of 3, my world for me was Alfie and Berrie and we went everywhere together.  

I have what I call 'limitation' others would call disabilities, whatever the label, I never let it stop me enjoying life with my fluffy children. So if some days I had to use my mobility scooter, Berrie would be there sat in the footwell before I'd even got it out of the garage.  Another mode of transport that Berrie would circle in excitement when getting out, was my trike.  She would join me on my trike rides, either running by my side or sitting on my lap and I am the lucky one to be able to access those memories in a heartbeat.

At the age of 2, Berrie had her first diagnosis of Pancreatitis.  Through the night, Berrie developed diarrhoea that very quickly turned to blood, we spent the night in the kitchen, making a little area for Berrie to lay and for me to sit and rub her stomach.  I took her to the vets that morning and the vets quickly admitted her (dehydration had really set in, within about 8 hrs of her initial symptoms).  She was  expected to be in for 4 days, but Berrie had to come home early, she was so distraught from being away from me (we had such a tight bond) and Alfie, that it was having a detrimental effect on her. So I carried on nursing her at home.

Berrie would continue to have flare ups and hospitalisation through the rest of her little life.  On the 1st December 2016, mine and Berrie's world came crashing down around us, Alfie sadly lost his battle to illness and a huge void was replaced.  Berrie would look through the patio doors to see if Alfie was in the garden, she couldn't understand where he had gone and Berrie lost some of her confidence, when we lost our beloved boy.  We leant on each other, the bond between us had grown exponentially through grief, I was Berrie's world and Berrie was mine.

The months next seem a blur, you function through life, but your mind and soul is consumed with grief and thinking my life couldn't get any worse, the unimaginable happened.  I will never forget it, it was 0330 am on the 19th October 2017 and Berrie was violently sick, but it was all blood! I rang the emergency vet number and Berrie was rushed over.  On examination, there were petechia (spotting on her gums), a blood test was quickly taken and Berrie had no blood platelets!

My mum drove us over to the specialist Hospital in Newmarket, where the consultant was waiting for Berrie's arrival.  After the consultation, Berrie was kept for more intense blood tests and the dreaded phonecall  came, Berrie had severe thrombocytopenia (no blood platelets).  Treatment was started and I had 5 days without my baby girl, I felt so helpless.  I got to bring Berrie home on the Friday, as soon as Berrie was in her bed in the car, she felt safe. This was her before I had even pulled out of the car park, fast asleep, with her new teddy by her side.

Over the weeks (Berrie on high dose steroid treatment, to suppress her immune system), numerous blood tests had to be taken and Berrie found this extremely traumatic.  Her life had changed, she couldn't be walked or even play with her ball, for fear of either her banging into something  and brushing (internal bleeding could happen) or risk of her cutting her feet.  Berrie's personality changed, she started weeing indoors (even though I was literally up and down every hr) the steroids caused her to drink excessively and I was very aware that she would need the toilet a lot more.  I didn't care, the lack of sleep, If my sleep schedule was all over the place, so be it, Berrie is my 'baby girl' ( I say 'is', that will never change even if she isn't here, beside me) and I would do anything for her.

With steroid treatment, every 3 weeks, the dose is dropped by 5mg but for reasons unknown, Berrie's blood platelet count dropped as well, this is not what you want to be happening.  At Christmas, Berrie was completely spoiled (more than normal), I knew I was losing her (ever had such a strong 'gut' feeling, well that was mine) and in my heart I knew this was potentially going to be last Christmas with my Berrie.  I took Berrie to this big log, (where me, Alfie and Berrie would walk) out in the fields on New Years Eve, (Id started this as a ritual, when we lost Alfie, we'd see the New Year in together, looking up and the stars thinking of Alfie) me and Berrie midnight 2018.

Berrie deteriorated over the coming weeks, not interested in even her teddies (it had always been a nightly ritual, for Berrie to empty her 'toy box' of teddies all over the lounge floor), the fur had started to fall out of her tail and she just looked different.  Then through the early hours of the 28th January 2018 Berrie deteriorated, she had been to the toilet where she laid (both bladder and bowel), shivering, when I moved her to sort her out, she was all arched over and in pain.  I called my vet, (who throughout Berrie's life had been amazing) and I took her straight over.  Berrie had a really high fever and was in such a bad way, she was suffering, all that she had been through her body just couldn't fight anymore and on that I decided for the love of her, I needed to make that decision and Berrie went to sleep, for the last time and my world changed forever. Berrie was 4 years and 7 months old.

So now it's just me, with a heart full of love and pain for my Alfie and Berrie.  I lost something in me on the 28th January 2018, that will never come back, but thats okay, because if feeling this indescribable pain, to have the memories, experiences and love that I got to have, then I'll take this pain any day.

I know i'll never be the same, but if anything Alfie and Berrie taught me, never to give up.  Don't get me wrong, I have struggled and I think I always will to a degree, my world was taken from me but I have a new world now, devoting my life to helping dogs and this is to say 'thank you' Alfie and Berrie, I go on this journey of my life, without you by my side...